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30 April 2009 @ 04:10 pm
Venting feel free to ignore, in fact I encourage it.  
I'm so... I've been crying.

No one at my job seems to get that, while I'm not a student and therefore don't have finals to worry about, I STILL HAVE STRESS! I'm there EVERY SINGLE DAY from 7:25am until at LEAST 2:45pm, except for those very rare days once or twice a month (which were suppose to be every wednsday and every other friday) that I get to leave somewhere between 1pm (VERY rare) and 2pm (Still rare). My coworker K and I were SUPPOSE to split the job of putting the daily money in the bags and taking them over to get the next days till, but I think the last time she did it was 2 weeks ago. It's me doing every day.

Today, my Boss and K were tlaking about the schedule during Finals Week (Next Week), and I'm trying to work my way through a long line of customers. Suddenly I hear K and Boss talking about how K HAS to leave before everything is done sometimes because she has classes. And Boss says something like "She doesn't have classes", and she HAD to be me because the only other 'Shes' that work there and don't go to school ar ethe gals in the kitchen who leave BEFORE K. If I hadn't had the long line, or if she had directly said something to me, I don't think i would ahve been able to resist saying "Sure! As long as you don't mind me being here until at LEAST 3:30pm every day so I can make sure everything the others didn't do before they took off, I'll be glad to stay and do it! Oh! And that 3:30pm estimate? Yeah... that's on a good day, on a bad day... 4pm is probably closer."

A couple months ago, Boss was complaining that I had TOO MANY hours, and now she seems to want to shove me on me, and she KNOWS that I've been sick this week, not sleeping well and not eating much because my stomach is all fucked up. And for the first time in almsot 14, I don't have any critters that will cuddle with me when I'm sick. One cat practically ahtes me, the other cat runs from everybody unless SHE wants to be scritched and she's likely to bite you if you don't scritch her in the right spot, and the dog has to be coerced to get near me half the time, only willing jumping up by me if my mom's on the computer or I have food. My ACC cuddled weith me, he made me feel better because at elast one of the critters loved me enough to cuddle when I was sick. Hell, he was laying there, unable to get up after having a fuckign stroke during the night, and he kept trying to reach his paw out to comfort ME.

And every time I start to think I'm okay about ACC being gone, my Boss brigns up adorable kittens that were in the animal shelters pick a pal pages in the paper and it just makes me starting thinking about him again. I almsot went through the whole day today without thinking of him and wanting to cry, but then she mentioned the pick a pal page and cute kitties and I jsut wanted to cry again because ACC was adorable and sweet and grew up to be SO handsome and she jsut made it hurt all over again, like ripping off a scab or tearing open stitches again and making it all raw and bleeding and PAINFUL.

It just pisses me off that apparently they don't understand the concept of me having stress and being sick. I've taken exactly ONE day off because of beign sick the whole time I've worked there, and it was because I could barely get up out of bed long enough to make the call in that I was sick. They both KNOW I've been sick this week, I've mentioned it. But who gives a shit if I'm stressed and sick and tired and depressed, I'm jsut the one who's there every day, working my ass off until I'm ready to collapse.

Maybe if they actually make me start doing whatever doesn't get done, and I pass out after doing vaccuuming (which always makes me feel overheated and have trouble breathing), then they'll give a damn. And hey! It's possible since the schedule for next week, which they didn't even bother to put me on and that pretty clearly indcates I'm working all day every day even though everyone else gets a day off during the week, has everybody else getting off at 2pm at the latest, and guess what? There's ALWAYS stuff left to do at 2pm.

WTF ever. I don't even give a damn anymore. I just wanna curl up in a ball and cry, but I'm stuck for another hour and a half until my mom gets off work and I can get a ride home because, of course, the weather sucks.